The new Star Trek movie has arrived. Everyone seems to think it's pretty good, which bodes well, because I plan on seeing it. But is it great? I think it could be great, but only if it fulfills between 60%-75% of my Star Trek Reboot Wish List, which goes as follows:
1) Victims of the Vulcan Neck Pinch need to drool a little afterward. That makes it more realistic.
2) Tony Jaa. I don't even care what he's doing. He could be eating a burrito and hitting on high school girls. It would still be awesome.
3) Shirtless Ricardo Montalban.
4) Oh. He's dead? Nevermind then.
5) Cameo appearance from the Three-Breasted Prostitute from Total Recall. Possibly banging Captain Kirk. I'm open to suggestions.
6) Ewoks. Exploding. Exploding Ewoks.
7) Kal Penn shows up and gets baked with Lt. Sulu, followed by epic journey through space and time in search of cheap, palm-sized burgers.
8) Batman. And don't tell me Batman doesn't exist in the future. I've seen Batman Beyond.
9) Predator vs. Aliens. Vs. Jason vs. Freddy. Vs. Sever vs. Ecks. Six-way battle royal. (Lucy Liu for the win.)
10) Ponies. Hordes of beautiful ponies.
Oh fuck it. They've already got my damn money.
Fuck Lucy man. MC Chris for the win!!!
ReplyDeleteRZA needs to get back on his game and start promoting Tony Jaa some more. Then, Tony needs to NOT make a movie all about saving some elephant and crying and bullshit and instead just keep remaking Ong Bak. Everytime will be incredible.
I hear Chris Pine may play Green Lantern. I don't understand how I got passed over for the role.