Kenta Kobashi vs. Steve Williams

This is the first of what will likely be many reviews/discussions of my favorite professional wrestling matches. I wouldn't expect many people to be all that interested in these, but as I've noted before professional wrestling fascinates me. I'd imagine that most people look at professional wrestling the same way I look at ballet or free-form jazz. You may be able to discern the difference between "good" and "bad" examples of the craft, but without a grounding in the basics (or a passing interest, let's be honest) it all just runs together. Ballet, to me, is people prancing around in spandex, sort of aimlessly jumping and twirling and being all sorts of androgynous good times. Jazz is just toots and beeps. I can tell when someone is REALLY good at, say, playing the saxophone or being a nutcracker or whatever. But could I tell you *what* I think is good about their performance? No. They didn't trip and fall. Their saxophone didn't explode in disgust. The levels of excellence, and the ways in which skill and practice are hammered together to make art in these fields, are completely lost on me.

And that's what it must look like to people watching professional wrestling who don't especially enjoy that kind of performance art. Because that's what it is - performance art. It's not a sport. It's never been a sport. Maybe once, a long time ago, in a carnival or sideshow far far away, the barker actually picked a legitimately random person from the audience to go a round with the strong man. But then the strong man lost and who pays to see a strong man who can't even beat some schmuck from the audience? From that point on the "sports" end of "sports entertainment" died away permanently. The illusion stayed, but let's be honest - we all knew. We *chose* to maintain the illusion, to lose ourselves in the show. Because it's a show. I know Frodo's not real and if he dies and Sauron wins my life will go on all the same, thank you very much. But I want the story. I want to believe in the battle. Good writing makes me believe. Good wrestling does the same. Good wrestling is a story - performance art for people who don't mind watching dudes roll around in their underwear.

Kenta Kobashi vs. Steve Williams

September 3, 1993 (or August 31, according to other sources. I wasn't there, so I can't verify either way)

Williams is 33 here and an 11 year pro. Kobashi is 26 and only a five year pro, though he's already been in 8 matches awarded 5 Stars by the Wrestling Observer Newsletter (considered a rather respectable authority when it comes to these things). In fact, he lost his first 63 matches and still won rookie of the year (as determined by the Japanese press). So he's good. I guess that's what I'm trying to say.

Williams is in the red underoos, Kobashi in the orange (or, more obviously, Williams is the ugly bearded American, Kobashi is the Japanese guy). Kosbashi is the crowd favorite, the match being in Japan (for the All Japan Wrestling promotion, to be specific). Stiff, angryman lock-up to start leads into a couple quick reversals and MAN SLAPPING. Kobashi tries to tackle Williams down, but Dr. Death (as they call him) baits Kobashi into a spinebuster. Williams slaps on a standing surfboard, which Kobashi (eventually) reverses to a german suplex. Right on the head. That's going to be a theme...

Kosbashi clotheslines Williams out of the ring and DDTs him on the floor, then knocks him back down with a clothesline from the top rope to the floor. Kobashi drags Dr. Death back into the ring and lays in some CHOPS. Those sound like they hurt because they do hurt, I've been told. I suppose I could have someone come over and slap me in the nipples to verify, but I'll just take it as gospel. Kobashi maintains control with an assortment of chin locks, kicks and suplexes. Nothing too grand, but if Williams is anything (besides ugly) he's tough. Williams tries to come back with chops, but Kobashi IS UNIMPRESSED. Flying knee in the corner! More chops! Oops. Turns out, that just pisses Williams off. HE'S LIKE BISHOP FROM THE X-MEN! STOP CHOPPING HIM KOBASHI!! HE'S JUST ABSORBING THE KINETIC ENERGY!!!

(Come on. I know he's not Wolverine, but Bishop is a perfectly valid X-Men reference. Look him up.)

Sure enough, Williams hulks up and press slams Kobashi over the top, straight down to the floor. SPLAT. That'll learn 'im. Williams kinda reminds me of Randy Savage...like if the Macho Man gained thirty pounds of muscle, four inches of height and about twenty extra thwacks from the ugly stick. Out on the floor, Williams tosses Kobashi into the guardrail and CARTWHEELS INTO A BACK ELBOW!! Totally unnecessary, but fun nonetheless.

Williams hauls Kobashi up and rams him twice into the post, then tosses him aside like the proverbial sack of shit. Back inside, Williams hits a brainbuster and a TIGER SUPLEX! Good thing Kobashi trains to be dropped on his neck like that...cover gets two. Kicks and chops from Williams only serve to FIRE KOBASHI UP! Running forearm sets him back down, though. Weird, slow-motion cradle spot follows...never quite seen that before. Not sure I need to see it again.

Williams goes for the Doctor Bomb (gutwrench powerbomb)...blocked. Switches to the Backdrop Driver...also blocked. Kobashi seems hesitant to be dropped on his head again. Don't fight fate, Kenta. MANSLAPPING!! Kenta brought a spin kick to a bitch slap fight, so he wins. Kobashi tosses Williams outside the ring again and DDTS HIM OFF THE GUARDRAIL! Take THAT motor skills!! Kobashi charges and eats a POWERSLAM ON THE FLOOR! Looks like Kenta Jr.'s gonna be doing all the shoveling this winter...

Back inside, Kobashi reverses a whip to a bulldog. MACHINE GUN CHOPS! Williams reverses his own whip into a dropkick?? FLYING LUMBERJACK! Kobashi side-steps the Three Point Charge - sleeper! Williams jumps back and squashes Kobashi and HE DOESN'T LET GO! Williams has the spirit of the Grizzly Bear though and rolls to the ropes for a break. Williams with more MANSLAPS to come back and splashes Kobashi in the corner. He climbs up the ropes looking for the Cattle Branding...but Kobashi slugs him down and delivers the SUPERPLEX - MOST POWERFUL OF ALL PLEXES! Cover gets two! TWO DDTS! TWO COUNT AGAIN! Kobashi is incredulous! Three leg drops and a german suplex! Still only two! Williams is clutching the back of his head...gee, I wonder why. Kobashi climbs up top - MOOOOOONSAULT! That's his deathkill move! One..two...th-NOO! Crowd does *not* believe it. YOU HAVE TO TAKE HIS HEAD, KENTA!! Up top again! MOOOONSAU-KNEES UP! Ouchie. That was greedy, Kenta. Let that be a lesson.

Three Point Stance shoulderblock from Williams. DOCTORBOMB! Whoa, Kobashi reverses in mid-air and lands on top of Williams! Or they totally fucked that up...let's just assume they meant to do that. Kobashi up first...LARIATOOOOOOOOOO (aka, running clothesline)!!!! Only two! The spirit of the murderous grizzly bear is strong in Williams. Williams dodges the flying knee in the corner - OKLAHOMA STAMPEDE (running powerslam)!!! Two again! Kobashi is two-thirds zombie at this point...Williams charges - LARIATOOOOOOOO!!!! One...two...NO!. KOBASHI RISES AGAIN! HIS THIRST FOR BRAINS IS TOO MIGHTY! CHOPS TO THE FOREHEAD! Kobashi with a roll-up...for two! Williams charges...Kobashi grabs a sleeper! Williams reverses to the BACKDROP DRIVER!!!! Christ! Kobashi is dead...pin gets TWO?? Kobashi is UNDEAD!! Williams picks him up - ANOTHER BACKDROP DRIVER!!! RIGHT ON THE TOP OF HIS HEAD!! Kobashi crawls to his feet! ZOMBIE KOBASHI WON'T STAY DOWN!! Williams grabs him - BACKDROP DRIVER #3!! WITH THE BRIDGE...1, 2 AND 3!!

***

Steve Williams officially retired this year, though, as a professional wrestler "retirement" is something of a fluid state. Kobashi is still active in Japan, wrestling primarily for Pro Wrestling NOAH. Both men are cancer survivors. Foolish, foolish cancer.